


crash into you

by dreamshadow



Series: we are young [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellarke, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Friends Who Are Family, Friendship, Memma, Mild Smut, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Weekend Getaway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23757076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamshadow/pseuds/dreamshadow
Summary: Things Emma Rhodes expected from her four day weekend: sun, sand, and some quality time with her best friend, Bellamy Blake.Things Emma Rhodes didn't expect: a washout rainstorm, her ex-boyfriend showing up, and only one bed to share between them.Four days had never lasted so long.written for cheeky torah-lex's There's Only One Bed challenge
Relationships: John Murphy/Original Female Character
Series: we are young [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715569
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**_[THE FIRST DAY]_ **

  
Spending five hours in the car with her best friend and his girlfriend wasn’t exactly how Emma Rhodes imagined she’d spend her last Thursday afternoon of the summer, but four-day weekends did come with their consequences.

  
If she were being honest, she didn’t even want to come on this trip anymore. But it was her last chance to hang out with Bellamy before he went off to the police academy and she wasn’t about to pass it up. Even if she was now third-wheeling what should have been a romantic four-day weekend with her best friend and her boy--well, _ex_ -boyfriend. 

Emma and Murphy broke up three months ago and she still couldn’t get used to the idea of calling him her ex. If she were being honest, she never thought she would. It was supposed to be the four of them: her best friend, Bellamy Blake, his long-term girlfriend, Clarke Griffin, and Emma’s now ex-boyfriend, John Murphy. In it for the long haul. And more specifically, for this weekend. Four days without responsibilities, important decisions to make, or bosses telling them what to do. 

But she couldn’t think about him now. The entire point of getting out of Polis with Bellamy and Clarke was so she could forget about Murphy. Even if he was supposed to be with them this weekend and now he wasn’t. 

“Come on, can we _please_ listen to something other than Disney?” Emma asked from the backseat. She reached over and scratched the ears of the yellow lab sitting next to her. 

“Excuse me,” Clarke said, glancing at her from the rearview mirror. “We’ve only had this playlist on for half an hour. We listened to your country station for _two_ \--” 

“Guys, c’mon,” Bellamy interrupted from the driver’s seat. “We’ve got an hour left and then we’ll be at the cabin. Can we maybe not spend the rest of the drive arguing about music?” 

“Would you rather have us argue about something else?” Emma asked and Clarke smirked in the front seat. 

“I’d rather not argue at all,” Bellamy said, rolling his eyes.

“Wishful thinking, babe,” Clarke teased. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. Bellamy smiled, but Emma glanced at the dog with a raised eyebrow. 

“Remind me again why we’re going on this trip,” Emma said. She pet Ody’s head and he closed his eyes while she scratched behind his ears. 

“Wasn’t it _your_ idea?” Bellamy asked. 

Emma glanced over at him before looking out the window. Her hand didn’t stop moving, her free hand lingering on the top of her phone. It hadn’t buzzed the whole time they were in the car and she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not. As annoying as the group chat was with her friends could get, the constant notifications would’ve been a welcome distraction right about now. 

“Well, yeah,” she said. “But that was before--” 

“Before you and Murphy broke up,” Clarke chimed in. 

“Be a little compassionate, babe,” Bellamy said, glancing at her. “They were together for two years.” 

“Well, she’s the one who dumped him, so--” 

“I didn’t realize you and Murphy were so close, Clarke,” Emma snapped. 

“I’m just saying,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Clarke’s phone buzzed and Emma frowned. She couldn't think of who would try to reach her when she was on the way to a romantic weekend with Bellamy (and now Emma). 

“You said you wanted to come,” Bellamy replied. “You volunteered. Even after I offered to cancel the trip and get a refund.” 

“Because that’d be dumb,” Emma responded. “Shadow Valley looks gorgeous online and I wanted to hang out with you.” 

Bellamy smiled at her through the rearview mirror. “So that’s why we’re going on this stupid trip,” he said. “Because you’re a stubborn, sentimental ass who’s going to miss me when I’m gone, no matter what you say.” 

Emma snorted, eyeing Ody wearily. “He thinks rather highly of himself, doesn’t he, boy?” 

“Yeah, he’s not the only one in this car,” Bellamy teased. 

Emma kicked his seat. She didn’t say anything, instead pulling her phone up and scrolling through her text threads. Her thumb almost scrolled passed her old messages with Murphy, but instinct made her stop. The last message was from almost three months ago, the night before they broke up. A lump formed in her throat and she focused on the scenery flashing by the windows. 

“How much longer?” Emma asked. If Bellamy or Clarke noticed the slight change in her voice, they were both kind enough not to comment on it. 

“About an hour,” Bellamy replied, glancing over at his phone. It sat in the air vent, the map pulled up as it showed them the way. 

“Okay, I’m gonna nap. Wake me up when we get there.” 

“You'll probably feel the car stop, but sure,” Clarke said with a smile. 

Bellamy rolled his eyes, but Emma didn’t say anything. Instead, she settled herself back into her seat. Her hand rested against Ody’s head as she closed her eyes. Tears started to build up behind her eyes, but she managed to contain them as her head dropped against the window.

It was going to be a long drive, but she hoped she'd start to feel better once they got there. Because right now, all she could think about was how coming on this trip was the biggest mistake. And honestly, all she wanted to do was hide under her covers for the weekend. At least before she had to make important life decisions she kept putting off.

For now running away seemed to be the best option. 

* * *

Emma woke with a jolt. The car came to a stop and her heart pounded for a second before she realized they’d arrived at the cabin. She stretched her legs, already itching to get out and take a walk around. Bellamy glanced at her over his shoulder before he got out of the car, the Disney music finally coming to a stop. 

“Come on, Ody,” Emma said, grabbing the leash. She hooked it onto his collar before climbing out of the car. Ody jumped out, barking when his paws hit the ground.

“I’ll go get the keys,” Bellamy replied. “You wanna take him?” 

“I like how you’re still pretending he’s your dog,” Emma teased. 

“I mean, _technically_ he is--” 

“Yeah, but we all know he loves Emma the best,” Clarke replied, stretching her arms over her head. 

“Which is why he’s coming to stay with me while you’re at the academy,” Emma said, bending down and scratching Ody’s head. “Right, boy?” 

“Mhm, like you wouldn’t be living at our apartment every day if he wasn’t,” Clarke said. Emma heard a smile in her voice that suggested it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. 

That was the thing about Clarke and Emma. Sometimes they acted as though they didn't like each other, but when it came down to it, they respected each other’s place in Bellamy’s life and shared the same goal of wanting him to be happy. 

“You’d probably have to kick me out yourself,” Emma replied. She stood back up with Ody’s leash in her hand. “So Bell, you’re gonna check us in?” 

“Yeah. One bonus for you, Ems: you get a whole king bed to yourself.”

“More like _Ody_ will have the whole king bed to himself, and Emma will have the smallest corner at the edge of the bed,” Clarke teased, her eyes shining as she looked over at Ody. 

Emma smiled. “You’re not wrong,” she said with a shrug. “Alright, let’s go, boy.” 

Ody barked in response and wagged his tail before following Emma down the driveway. It was easy enough to try and block out memories as she took in the tall trees, the clean air, the brilliant blue sky. Polis was a suburb, but there weren’t as many trees as there was here and if she were being honest, this was exactly why she’d come on this trip in the first place. 

A change of scenery. And Bellamy, of course.

When she’d told her other friends she was still planning on going on the getaway, there were mixed responses. Jasper Jordan, hardly the voice of reason, told her she was crazy; Monty Green told her she was brave, and Harper McIntyre gave her this sad, sympathetic look Emma hadn’t gotten since high school. Maybe she was being a bad best friend for taking away what would otherwise be a romantic weekend for Bellamy and Clarke, but she’d already put her deposit in for the cabin -- and she secretly knew that Bellamy wouldn’t be able to afford it without at least a little help.

Plus, Emma knew when to make herself scarce. There was a lake, a hot tub, and plenty of hiking trails -- enough to keep a girl like Emma busy for four days when they wanted some alone time.

She just hoped Clarke didn’t hate her too much for it. But if Emma were honest, Clarke seemed almost relieved that she was there. At least for now. 

* * *

  
  


**_[THE FIRST NIGHT]_  
  
** The rest of that first day was a perfect summer afternoon.

After Bellamy got the keys and checked them into their cabin, the three of them dumped their duffles in their bedrooms. Emma stripped out of her shorts and tank top as fast as possible, pulling on a red bikini and following them down to the lake. Ody ran with them, the first to jump off the dock and into the lake. 

A bunch of people from surrounding cabins were already in the water and on the beach. Emma tried not to stare too hard at the small cluster of attractive guys who were playing chicken and laughing too loudly. Normally, Emma would’ve walked right over to them and started flirting. That afternoon, though, her heart just wasn’t in it. Even if the attention would make her forget about Murphy for a few hours.

Instead, she’d followed Ody’s lead and jumped off the dock, relieved to have gotten over her fear of water a few years ago. As long as she ignored the fact that this was something else she could thank Murphy for, spending the afternoon under the sun was exactly what the doctor ordered. 

By the time they made it back to their cabin, none of them wanted to think too hard about food. Emma offered her culinary skills, but after a short debate of who would go grocery shopping, the three of them decided to order take-out and discover what kind of food Shadow Valley had to offer. 

Emma sat on the couch, still wearing her bathing suit and baggy tee-shirt. Her sunglasses sat at the top of her head as she poured over the various take-out menus spread on the coffee table. 

“This place sounds good,” she said, pointing to a Chinese place ten minutes away.

“I was eyeing that one too,” Clarke admitted. 

“The reviews say it’s supposed to be pretty good,” Bellamy agreed. “So let’s do that.” 

“Perfect.” 

Bellamy pulled up an app on his phone and started ordering everyone’s food, and right as he finished, there was a knock on the door.

“It can’t have gotten here that fast,” Emma said, glancing at the door.

Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a look. Ody barked, but neither of them seemed inclined to answer the door. 

“Alright, I’ll get it,” she said, rolling her eyes. She stood up, running a hand through her dark brown, still wet and mangled hair. She shot them a look before walking over to the door. “Can I help--” she started. Her voice faltered when the door opened all the way. Like an idiot, she stood there speechless, her hand on the door as the front porch light flickered above his head. 

“Hey, Rhodes.”


	2. Chapter 2

"John," she finally breathed out, unable to stop staring.

He looked good, but John Murphy always looked good. His hair was cut short and he was actually tan, like he'd spent a good amount of time over the summer outside. He sported the right amount of scruff on his chin and his blue eyes looked almost happy to see her. As if she hadn't been the one to end their two year relationship out of the blue.

"So are you gonna let me in, or--?" Murphy prompted.

It was then that she noticed the duffle bag slung over his shoulder. "Hold on," Emma said, putting her hand up. "What?"

"I came for the trip," he said, taking a step forward. Emma blocked his path, her heart pounding a little faster. "Remember? You said you were planning on going, so I figured I would too."

"But you already backed out," Emma said. "I didn't think you'd want--you don't even _like_ Bellamy that much--"

"Ems, what's wrong?" Bellamy called from the living room.

Before Emma had the chance to explain, Odysseus lunged forward. Emma gripped onto the doorframe so she wouldn't knock forward into Murphy. When she managed to collect herself, she looked over and saw Murphy squatting down with Ody in his arms. The yellow lab's tail wouldn't stop wagging as he licked Murphy's face, but neither seemed to mind. 

It seemed that while Emma outranked Bellamy and Clarke, Murphy outranked Emma. It wasn't all that surprising.

"Did anyone know Murphy was still coming?" Emma asked, tearing her eyes away from the boy who broke her heart and the dog who was trying to heal it.

"Wait, Murphy's here?" Bellamy repeated, finally coming over to the door. He stifled a laugh at the sight of Ody and Murphy. "Alright, Ody, that's enough."

"It's fine, Bellamy," Murphy said. He stood up and scratched Ody's head. "Seriously, Rhodes. Are you gonna let me in? I was just on a bus for seven hours, so--"

"Let him in, Emma," Clarke called, finally looking up from her phone.

Emma frowned, but had no reason for keeping Murphy out that didn't fall under being petty. Not that she wasn't, but it'd been a long day for them, too. "Fine."

"How was the trip, Murphy?" Clarke asked as she stood up from the couch.

Emma's frown deepened but she didn't say anything as he walked in. The cabin suddenly felt inherently smaller than it did before.

"Oh, fine," Murphy said dismissively, tossing his bag to the side. "Except the guy that sat next to me had no meaning of personal space and snored for half the trip."

"Poor thing," Emma said dryly, walking back to the couch.

"Well you have good timing," Bellamy said. "We just ordered food."

"For three," Emma added.

"Emma," Clarke chided, shooting her a warning look.

"There should be plenty if you're hungry."

Emma shot Bellamy a sour look but kept her mouth shut this time. 

"Thanks, but I'm good," he said, shrugging off his jacket. Emma's eyes wandered over to him again before forcing herself to look away. "So we're here until Sunday, right?"

"Yeah," Clarke replied. "I thought I texted you the details."

Emma glanced over at her, but suddenly everything made sense. " _You_ invited him?"

"Well, technically you did," Clarke said with a shrug. "But I thought it would be good if you had someone to spend time with while Bellamy and I were off together."

"You said you told her I was coming," Murphy protested.

"She'd never agree to it if she knew," Clarke replied. "Besides, I never understood why you two broke up and this way you can work out your differences--"

"There are no _differences_ to work out, Clarke," Emma snapped. "God, this is so like you. I'm not even surprised."

"I thought I was doing you a favor, Emma."

"The only person you were doing a favor was you, as usual," Emma snapped before standing up. "You know, I need some air."

"Ems--" Bellamy said, standing up.

"I need some air, Bell."

She grabbed the hoodie that she'd brought with her and slipped it over her head. She was relieved to find a pack of cigarettes still in there from this morning. She would have to get better at hiding them, though, if she didn't want Bellamy to find out she started smoking again.

No one said anything as Emma walked out of the cabin. The door shut behind her and she walked out into the fresh air. Conversations lingered and laughter carried from some of the other cabins, but the noise was far enough away that it didn't disrupt the peace. Emma reached her hand back into the pocket of her sweatshirt, pulling out the cigarette pack. She slid one out and lit it, even though she heard several voices of disapproval in the back of her head.

There was a very large part of her that was pissed at Clarke for inviting Murphy behind her back, but it did also seem like something he would do. Even after he told her he had no interest in going to Shadow Valley if they weren't together.

Mostly, though, the ache in her heart caught her by surprise when she saw him standing under the porch light. Whatever his angle was (and because he was Murphy, he _always_ had an angle), any hopes she'd had of getting him out of her head this weekend were long gone.

"Still fighting with Mom and Dad, I see."

Emma didn't bother to look over at Murphy. She took another drag, half expecting him to yell at her about the consequences of smoking. Instead, he plucked the cigarette out of her hand when she finished and took a drag himself. Like he used to.

"What are you doing here, John?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Same thing as you, it seems," he replied, passing her the cigarette back.

"I'm being serious."

"Guess there's a first time for everything."

She reached out and kicked him. "You're hilarious."

"I was invited," he said. "And Perri's either working or spending all her time in her apartment with Raven, so..."

"You were bored," Emma filled in.

He shrugged. Emma waited for him to say something else, but he stayed quiet, leaning against the back of the cabin. She tried not to watch him, words battling their way to the surface but never quite leaving her mouth. She wasn't normally the quiet type, but this was the first time she felt the three months they'd spent apart.

She took another drag and started sharing it with him without even realizing. Old habits really did seem to die hard.

"This is my last weekend with Bellamy," she finally said. She couldn't take their thick silence anymore, the only sounds coming from the other cabins that were alive. "If you ruin it, you'll regret it."

"And separate the A Team?" Murphy said, his voice changing to a tone she hardly recognized. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Emma gave him a funny look but didn't say anything. She put the cigarette out on the side of the porch steps before tugging her sweatshirt closer to her. Regret started to creep in for not taking a warm shower earlier; now that the sun was going down, it was getting cooler out, and all she wanted to do was curl up with a blanket on the couch.

She walked back in and curled up next to Ody, suddenly very conscious of her bare legs. Her heart felt heavy and she pulled up her phone, scrolling through until she found the thread she'd been looking for. Perri Laughlin might be Murphy's best friend, but in the four years they'd all survived Arkadia University together, Perri and Emma got pretty close too.

If Bellamy noticed a change in her mood, he thankfully didn't say anything. "So food should be here soon," he said after a moment. "We've got some time to kill until then."

Murphy walked back in a few seconds later. He glanced over at Clarke before plopping down in the chair farthest from Emma, and Ody's head popped up. Thankfully, the dog didn't move from Emma's lap while she texted back and forth with Perri. Perri, to her credit, seemed surprised Murphy had actually showed up unannounced.

"I know what we can do," Bellamy said after another beat. He got up and went into his room before coming back out with his guitar.

It was a gesture that would normally make Emma smile, but she was too preoccupied in her texts to look up. He strummed absentmindedly on the chords and Clarke hummed along. Emma finally looked over and sunk further into the cushions of the couch. Murphy wasn't looking anywhere at her, but she could feel his presence as if he was sitting right next to her.

Suddenly it felt like this weekend was going to last a lifetime.

All she had wanted was space. But apparently, even that was too much to ask for.

* * *

  
  


It wasn't until the takeout containers had cleared and Bellamy and Clarke went off to bed that Emma realized her dilemma: there was only one other bedroom. And there was only one bed in that bedroom.

Murphy had been suspiciously quiet since they'd smoked together outside. He'd spent most of the time on his phone, probably doing the same thing she'd been doing: texting Perri. Emma would feel guilty if she wasn't sure that Perri encouraged him to take a bus seven hours to get there despite telling Emma she had nothing to do with it.

And that was why, even though her bag was already in the room, she looked over at him. "You can have the bed tonight," she said. "I'll sleep on the couch with Ody."

"Oh," he replied, not bothering to hide the surprise in his voice. "I mean, I was gonna take the couch. I crashed your weekend."

Emma shrugged. "It's fine," she said, already pulling the blanket down. "I'm kinda comfortable anyway, and it's stupid if no one sleeps in the bed."

Murphy glanced down the hall to where the room was. "If I remember right, it was a king size, right?"

"Yeah. Have at it, Murphy," she replied, her voice muffled against the cushions.

"What'd you call me?"

She looked over her shoulder at him. "Murphy," she repeated. "It feels weird calling you John."

"That's my name."

"I know," she said. "And mine's Emma."

He snorted. "Glad we got that settled."

"My point is, you call me Rhodes now, so why is it weird if I call you Murphy?"

Murphy shrugged. "I don't know. It just is."

"Okay."

She turned back around on the couch, her back to him. Ody let out a muffled whine as he settled himself against Emma's legs.

"You know," Murphy said, amusement laced in his voice, "I think Ody would prefer the bed."

"Then take him with you."

"And separate the A Team?" he asked. It took her a second to realize it was the same words he'd used with Emma and Bellamy, but his tone was significantly softer. "Wouldn't dream of it."

The corners of her lips twitched into a smile for the first time since the lake. She buried her face in the cushions of the couch so he wouldn't see.

"Goodnight, Murphy," Emma said, her voice muffled.

"Goodnight, Rhodes."

* * *

  
  


The couch was not meant for sleeping long-term. Despite what she'd told Murphy, it was almost impossible to get comfortable enough to drift into sleep. It might've been different if Emma slept like a normal human in more than three or four hour spurts, but insomnia was a bitch. Being this close to water probably wasn't helping the matter, but for once, she wanted to control her demons. 

She had mostly recovered from the car accident which had taken her mother and her twin brother away from her when she was sixteen, but she still couldn't form comfortable sleeping habits. Plus, working nights at The Dropship for the last four years -- where she'd originally met Murphy -- kept her body used to being awake until three or four am. It almost would've been her new normal had the break-up not sent her spiraling into old habits. Not that she'd ever confess how badly to Bellamy; he would never leave her if he thought she was still a dysfunctional mess. And he shouldn't be responsible for still taking care of her anyway.

About halfway through the night, Ody started whining. Either he was protesting Emma's constant tossing and turning, or he wasn't comfortable either. And he could sleep almost anywhere.

"Alright, alright," Emma muttered, finally surrendering.

Ody jumped off the bed. She yawned, grabbing his leash from the chair, assuming he'd need to go out before figuring out what the hell to do about sleep. Instead, though, he ran down the hall and scratched at the door Murphy had gone through earlier in the evening. He whined before glancing back at Emma.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," she said. She sighed and dragged herself down the hall. "You missed him, huh?"

Ody whined again and wagged his tail. He scratched on the door again.

"Okay, okay, before you wake the whole cabin up," Emma replied. She reached out to grab the doorknob, but the knob was already turning. She blinked a few times before finding herself right in front of Murphy, bleary eyed with a lazy smirk on his face.

She would be lying if she tried to deny how attractive he looked then.

"Ody missed you," she said lamely, forcing herself to look him in the eye.

"Mhm," he replied, and Ody barrelled through the door. He jumped up on the bed, curling up at the very end of it. "And you're sleeping quite well on the couch, I imagine."

Emma gave him a look as she tried to stifle another yawn. "Yeah."

"Okay," he said, his eyes dancing as he turned toward the bed. "Goodnight, Rhodes."

"Night, Murphy."

Murphy climbed back into bed. Emma watched as Ody snuggled himself up next to him and she hesitated. The logical part of her brain knew that she should turn around and go back to the couch; she was used to functioning on four hours of sleep, and what good would it do if she slept in the same bed as him?

"Did you want something, Rhodes?" Murphy asked, his hand lazily running against Ody's head.

"Uh, no," she said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "Sorry, I'm just gonna--"

"We can share, y'know," he replied. "I don't bite. Unless requested."

Emma bit her lip and glanced back at the couch. "No, I --"

"Want to go back to not sleeping on an uncomfortable couch?" Murphy filled in. "Suit yourself."

She looked back at the bed. At the boy and the dog who seemed perfectly content with each other's company and there was a very large part of her that wanted to join them. That was how it was supposed to be: Emma, Murphy and Ody, together against the world. If only she hadn't been such a fucking idiot to ruin the best thing that ever happened to her this spring because she'd been fucking scared.

A tear slid down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "This doesn't change anything," Emma said, quietly closing the door behind her.

"Of course not. It's just sleep, Rhodes," he replied, watching her carefully. "Which it looks like you need desperately, so if you think about it, I'm doing you a favor."

"Of course you are."

Neither of them said anything as Emma climbed into bed. Ody let out a whine as the bed shifted under her weight and she positioned herself as far away from him as possible.

"I'm not sure what I did to make you hate me so much," Murphy said suddenly, causing her to look over at him. "But whatever it was, I'm sorry."

"I don't hate you," she whispered.

Even as she said it, Emma started pulling up the extra pillows that had been thrown on the floor. She began building a wall to separate them, hoping that it would be enough to stop her instinct of curling into him. She couldn't afford to let herself get attached to him again. Trying to survive the last three months without him were some of the hardest months of her life. At least since the accident four years ago.

"And that's why you're building a wall to separate us?" Murphy asked. There was an amused tilt in his voice, but if Emma knew him half as well as she used to, she could hear the sliver of hurt in it as well.

"It's for our own good," she said dubiously.

"I've heard that before," he replied. "Still not sure I agree with it."

"It doesn't change anything if you don't."

"Emma--"

When she finally got the pillows arranged in a rather precarious wall, she turned her back to them. Even if the wall didn't hold up overnight, at least she felt like she tried to keep them separate.

"Goodnight, Murphy," she said, forcing her eyes closed. A few tears rolled down her cheeks again but she brushed them away. The last thing she needed was for him to know how much this hurt when she'd been the one to break up with him.

Murphy sighed and she heard him turn onto his side. "‘Night, Rhodes."

Emma drifted off to sleep, secretly comforted by the knowledge that Murphy was a few inches away from her. Not that she needed him anymore; it was nice to know that he was there. Maybe, for once, she could sleep through the night without the demons of her past crawling their way back from the corners of her mind.  
  


* * *

  
  


**_[THE SECOND DAY]_ **

  
When Emma woke up, she expected there to be sun streaming through the windows. She also half-expected the wall of pillows broken down and a warm body wrapped around her, Ody comfortably between them. How else would she have slept through the night?

Instead, she woke up to a cold, empty bed. She frowned as she threw the covers off of her, not sure why disappointment was building in her chest. She hadn't wanted to get attached to Murphy again -- that was the whole point of coming on this trip without him. So why did she feel the familiar dull ache in her heart when she realized she was alone in a room she'd started out sharing with him?

Emma went into her bag and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. She changed her shirt, braiding her hair before walking in the kitchen.

Bellamy and Clarke sat at the table, drinking coffee. Clarke flipped through a newspaper while Bellamy read a paperback. They were both oblivious to Emma walking in.

Emma was about to say something annoying when she looked over at the stove. She frowned at what she saw. There was Murphy, casually standing there and flipping pancakes. He wore an almost too-tight grey tee-shirt, trying to look like he belonged there.

"What the fuck?" Emma asked, the words leaving her mouth before she could stop them.

Murphy looked up as Ody walked over to Emma. Ody pushed his head between Emma's legs, almost knocking her over as Murphy smiled at her. He actually fucking _smiled_. "Sleep well, Rhodes?"

"I'm sorry, what are you doing?"

"Cooking breakfast," he said dryly. "Hungry?"

Yes, actually. She was starving. But that wasn't the point. "Murphy, what are you doing here?"

"Uh, I thought it was obvious," he said. "Vacation. Comes with the unfortunate side effect of your company, but it's a price I'm willing to pay."

"Emma, relax," Clarke said, glancing at her.

Emma cleared her throat. "Pancakes would be nice," she grumbled, not looking at him.

Bellamy snorted and tried to cover it up with a cough. 

"So we were gonna go into town today," Clarke said, looking up from her newspaper. "Do either of you need anything while we're there?"

"I could come with you," Emma replied quickly. 

Murphy gave her a look as he passed her a plate of pancakes. Her stomach rumbled and she tried not to think about their fingers brushing under the plate as she took it from him. "I think they want to be alone, Rhodes."

Emma glanced between them. This had been her promise to Bellamy; if he and Clarke even suggested they wanted to be alone, she would make herself scarce. Somehow that promise was a lot harder to keep when her incredibly attractive but still incredibly ex-boyfriend was sharing a cabin with them.

"Right," she said, sitting down at the table. "Are you gonna check out the art store?"

Clarke grinned; Bellamy wasn't the only thing they had in common. "Yeah, it's one of the first places I want to go," she said. "I can let you know if it's any good."

"The website looked promising," Emma agreed, digging into her pancakes. She bit back a moan of satisfaction. How could she have forgotten how good Murphy's cooking was? Had it really been that long? She stole a glance over at him standing by the stove before shoving more food into her mouth.

"So we'll be out most of the day," Bellamy said, looking between Emma and Murphy. "Try not to kill each other while we're gone."

"No promises," Emma grumbled.

Clarke rolled her eyes and stood up from the table. "I'm gonna shower, then we can head out," she said, leaning over and kissing Bellamy. "Sound good, babe?"

Sometimes Emma couldn't help but wonder if Clarke was so affectionate to make both her and Murphy uncomfortable. Because if that was the case, it worked.

"Yeah, just don't take forever to shower," Bellamy teased. "I'll take Ody for a walk."

Emma shot him a look but he shrugged. Bellamy and Clarke left the kitchen then, Ody following them as dutiful as ever. Emma and Murphy stayed in the kitchen, neither saying anything at first.

"So," Murphy finally said, putting pancakes on his plate and sitting at the table. "This is gonna be fun."

"Don't worry," Emma said, standing up. "I'll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine.

"Thank you for your sacrifice."

Emma rolled her eyes but for once didn't say anything. She set her plate down by the sink and shoved her hands into her pockets. She walked out of the kitchen, not bothering to look back.

* * *

  
Emma's plans to lay by the lake for most of the day were foiled by the weather. It turned out the reason she didn't see sunlight streaming through the windows when she woke up was because storm clouds had been rolling in all morning. Bellamy and Clarke left for town just in time, and as Emma was getting ready to lay by the lake, a loud clap of thunder exploded in the sky.

Murphy and Emma managed to avoid each other for most of the morning. After lunch, though, Murphy found a deck of cards in one of the closets and suggested a game. Emma entertained the idea only because Bellamy kept texting her for progress reports and if she sent back another ‘sorry, still not an actual conversation happening here', she was sure he was going to call her and ruin his afternoon with Clarke.

So that was how they found themselves sprawled out on the floor of the cabin. Murphy lit a fire in the fireplace not that long ago, and Ody stretched out in front of it. If things were different, Emma might not have minded playing cards with him so much. Except--

"You're fucking cheating," she said, looking up from her hand.

"We're playing _Go Fish_ ," Murphy replied. "It's impossible for me to cheat."

Emma gave Ody a look of disbelief. The lab didn't even blink back at her. "Do you have any fives?" she asked, looking back at him.

Murphy smirked. "Go fish."

"See? That right there--" she gestured to his face "--that's why I don't believe you."

"Because of my face?" he repeated, his voice full of offense. "I seem to recall you used to like my face."

"Used to being the operative phrase," Emma replied. "And it's not your face in general, it's the Murphy face."

He snorted this time. "The Murphy face? Enlighten me, Rhodes."

"You know," Emma said vaguely, gesturing at him again with her cards. "The look in your eye. The stupid fucking smirk--"

"It's a good thing you studied art in school instead of English," Murphy replied. "You're not very good at describing things."

Emma glared at him and flicked one of the cards at him. "Do you have any fives, Murphy?"

"You already asked me that."

"I'm asking you again."

"She's not being very mature, Ody," Murphy said, glancing at the lab. Ody shifted in his spot in front of the fire and ignored him like he ignored Emma. "Go fish, Rhodes."

Emma muttered to herself and reached into the pond of cards. Of course it didn't match any of the cards in her hand, but she tried to keep her face passive.

"I forgot how much of a sore loser you are," Murphy commented after a few rounds of silence, which mostly involved Emma pouting at her cards.

"I'm only a sore loser when the person winning is clearly cheating."

"Mhm," he said, setting down a pair of sevens. His smirk grew and she growled under her breath, causing him to laugh. "You're so ridiculous, Rhodes. It's a card game."

Emma rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. She somehow managed to gain ten cards in her hands while Murphy only had three. It was his turn, and she watched as he studied them carefully, as if the game required more thought than it actually did. After a moment or two, he set down his pair of cards, and Emma glared at him. Because he just set down a pair of fives.

"You fucking asshole," she said as another clap of thunder echoed in the sky.

"Hey," he protested. "It's not cheating. I didn't have them when you asked me earlier."

"Likely story."

"I'm serious!" he said as there was a flash of lightning.

Emma focused on the game, relieved to have something to do with her hands to keep her distracted from the weather. She used to love thunderstorms, but that was before her sixteenth summer. Before the accident.

"Whatever," she grumbled. "You win. Are you happy?"

"The game isn't over. I might grab a whole new hand of cards trying to match this last one."

"Somehow I doubt it," she said. She set her cards down and glanced at the clock. They'd been playing for almost an hour; that was long enough to settle whatever Bellamy's plans were, right? "I'm gonna go make coffee."

"Great, I could use a mug."

Emma glanced over her shoulder. "I wasn't planning on making some for you. I'm not your girlfriend anymore."

"Yeah, you made sure of that, didn't you?" he asked, and he didn't bother to hide some of the bitterness in his voice. "I made you breakfast this morning and I'm not your boyfriend, so the least you could do is make me some coffee as a thank you."

Emma stared at him. How was it possible she ever even missed him? Anger boiled in her chest but she bit back any response that might get her in trouble. She turned and stalked into the kitchen, annoyed at him for showing up here, for cheating in cards, for just existing. This was supposed to be her weekend with Bellamy, so how was it possible that so far she'd managed to spend all her time with her obnoxious ex?

The storm grew louder as she rummaged in the kitchen. The last thing she needed was for the power to go out, so she hoped this was a regular storm that would pass in a few minutes. Emma found everything she needed and started measuring out the coffee.

"Don't forget to push the button."

Emma tensed. "That was _once_." 

He was referring to one time at Arkadia. She'd poured and measured everything into the pot and somehow forgot to push the button to brew. It took at least half an hour before she figured out that no coffee was being made.

"Once was enough."

"Isn't it exhausting being you?"

"Only when I'm around you."

Emma rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I actually thought about getting back together with you," she said without thinking. "Really dodged a bullet."

A clap of thunder and a beat of silence. And then, "You what?"

"Dodged a bullet," Emma repeated, hitting the button for the coffee. She turned to go back to the fire, but suddenly he stood so close to her she was forced to look up.

"Before that."

"Don't do this, Murphy," she said, hating the desperate plea in her voice. "It's hard enough being here with you."

"Why do you think I came here, Rhodes?"

If they weren't standing so close, she would've had to strain to hear him.

"I don't know," she replied dismissively, trying to hide how close to tears she was. "To fuck up my weekend with Bellamy."

"Yeah," he said softly, amusement laced in his voice, "that's why."

"Murphy, please--" She tried to take a step back but his hand caught hers. There was another clap of thunder and this time, with her anxiety running higher than normal, she jumped.

Murphy linked their fingers together. He didn't say anything about her sweaty palms and took another step closer. She knew she should pull away, Emma found herself transfixed. She ignored the tears burning behind her eyes the best she could.

"Come on, Rhodes," he pressed, his voice thick. "Why do you think I came here?"

"To hang out with Clarke."

"Emma."

"I don't _know_ , okay?"

Murphy stepped closer as another boom shook the sky. She stood frozen, watching his every move but not dropping his hand. It felt right to hold it -- even now, when everything was so fucked up. Because she'd been an idiot.

"I think you do."

His forehead pressed against hers and she swallowed. Somewhere in the distance, the timer for the coffee went off, a faint beep in the rest of the noise around her. Murphy's thumb grazed against her palm and warmth spread through her entire arm.

"John," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "Please."

She wasn't sure, exactly, what she was asking him to do. The logical part of her brain knew she was asking him to pull away, to break the spell between them that only existed in this cabin. But there was a tiny part of her that knew she was asking him to kiss her, too. Slam her against the wall and--

"Lucy, we're home!"

Bellamy's voice rang through the cabin. Emma pushed Murphy away from her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. With the noise of the storm she hadn't even heard the Rover pull in the driveway or the door open. If either Bellamy or Clarke noticed the flush in Emma's cheeks as she stepped away, they were kind enough not to comment.

"You kids have fun in town?" Murphy asked without missing a beat.

"And here I thought we were Mom and Dad," Clarke teased, dropping some paper bags full of groceries onto the table. "We thought you'd maybe want to make dinner tonight, Murphy."

"Emma can help," Bellamy suggested, and Emma had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. Neither of them were good at being particularly subtle.

"How does homemade pizza sound? Because that's what we got," Clarke said, starting to unload the bags.

Murphy glanced at Emma. Was it her imagination, or did he not quite meet her gaze? "Looks like we're making homemade pizza for dinner, Rhodes."

"That's cool, right?" Clarke asked, glancing between them.

Emma looked back at Murphy. "Looks like we're making homemade pizza for dinner, Murphy."  
  


* * *

**_[THE SECOND NIGHT]_ **

  
After dinner, Bellamy and Clarke offered to do the dishes while Murphy and Emma went into the living room. They'd kept the fire going most of the day, but now it'd turned into burning embers underneath the grate. The storm calmed, a light rain still falling on the window panes.

A second point in Bellamy and Clarke's favor: they'd gone on an alcohol run and brought back Emma's favorite beer. Probably to make up for the fact that she'd been stuck with Murphy for the better part of the afternoon. Except ever since their conversation in the kitchen, all Emma could think about was kissing him.

It was distracting, especially when he seemed to master the art of the brooding ex-boyfriend. It wasn't fair how attractive he was now that she couldn't have him.

"Are we ever gonna talk about it?" Murphy asked as she cracked open her second beer.

She didn't need to ask to know what he was talking about: their break-up. Or the conversation in the kitchen. But either way, her response was the same.

"Nah, I'm good," she said, knocking back a sip.

"Very mature."

Emma shrugged. "Never claimed to be," she said. "Besides, you're the one who took a bus seven hours to get here, so I'm not sure what that says about you."

"Maybe all it says is that I needed to get out of Polis."

"I'd buy that, but it's you," Emma replied. She looked over at him over the rim of her bottle, taking another sip.

Murphy cracked open his second drink. "What does that mean?"

"There's always another reason with you."

They made eye contact, but Bellamy walked into the room. "Kitchen's all set," he announced, grabbing a beer from the table and settling back in a seat. "Are we behaving?"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Trying to."

Clarke came in and settled herself in Bellamy's lap, reaching for her own drink. Emma tried to focus on anyone but them, instead standing up.

"Where are you going?" Clarke asked, looking over at her.

"I've been stuck inside all day," she said. "I need some fresh air."

"It's raining," Murphy pointed out.

"The porch has a roof."

"Suit yourself."

Emma rolled her eyes again and walked out of the cabin. Ody settled himself next to Bellamy and Clarke's chair, watching her as she left but didn't seem inclined to follow. She went over to the railing and leaned her forearms, her beer bottle dangling on the side. 

Rain fell lightly outside, but she stayed dry thanks to the overhang. It was almost comforting, being out here and watching the rain as it soaked the grounds and the lake. She knocked back more of her drink, trying to push thoughts of Murphy out of her head.

"Mom and Dad are being gross."

Emma tensed, not bothering to turn around. "God," she said. "You can't just give me, like, five minutes of fucking peace, can you?"

"Well, I don't really want to watch Bellamy and Clarke going at it, so..."

"There's a bedroom," she pointed out. "You could go in there and close the door and leave me the fuck alone."

"Something tells me you don't want me to actually do that."

"Jesus fuck, Murphy," she said, turning around. " _I'm_ the one who broke up with _you_ , remember? I'm the one who ended it. Have you ever considered the fucking possibility that I just don't love you anymore?"

Silence fell between them. He wasn't that close to her; he stood near the wall of the cabin, his elbows bent and a drink in his hand. But his eyes... his beautiful blue eyes stayed on her.

"No."

The word hung between them. He may as well have shouted it across the porch for how it echoed in her mind. One word; one syllable. That was all it took to shake her resolve.

"What?" she asked, too afraid to move.

He pushed himself off the wall. "You heard me."

Emma's jaw tightened. "Well, I don't," she said, knocking back more of her drink. She'd told herself that so many times over the last three months that she was almost starting to believe it. That she wasn't terrified of the future; that she simply didn't love him anymore. Somehow it was easier that way.

"So then look me in the eye," he challenged, walking closer to her, "and tell me. And I'll leave on the next bus out."

She swallowed. She tried to meet his gaze but couldn't, instead fidgeting with the rim of the bottle. She wished she'd pulled a cigarette out of the pack.

"Emma," he whispered. He reached out, his knuckles brushing against hers. "Tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone."

"John, I--"

He stepped closer. His knuckles became her fingers, lacing them together loosely. His eyes never left hers.

"I can't--" she started. She didn't pull back; not because there was nowhere for her to go, but mostly because she'd missed the feel of his hand in hers. "I can't love you."

Murphy's face fell. Confusion flashed in his eye but his hand dropped. Her fingers were suddenly cold from the lack of touch. "Okay," he said, backing off as he said he would. He held up his hands. "Okay. Fine. I think my ticket is refundable--"

He knocked back some of his drink and took several big steps back. Emma's heart pounded in her chest as she watched him retreat, his shoulders slack. Panic rose in her chest; she had a funny feeling that if he left the weekend early, she would never see him again. He had a way about disappearing when he felt unwanted; something they had in common.

"John," she said, her voice small and barely audible over the rain.

Murphy didn't look back. "It's cool, Rhodes," he said easily. "You don't have to tell me a second time. Or a third time, really, if you think about it. I get it."

"No," she said, her voice still quiet. "No, you don't--"

"You've made yourself clear, alright? I was the idiot who thought he still had a chance."

"John," she said again, her voice louder. 

He finally glanced over his shoulder at her. " _What_ , Emma?"

She didn't say anything at first. Instead she put the beer bottle down on the railing, walking closer to him until she was a few inches apart. "You're right about one thing."

"What's that?" he asked, his face passive.

"You _are_ a fucking idiot."

Emma pulled him closer by the fabric of his shirt, her lips crashing into his before she could talk herself out of it. He hesitated for approximately five seconds. Long enough that she was about to pull away, but he pulled her back, greedy hands sliding a little further up.

She pushed him back towards the wall of the cabin. She pushed her hands up underneath his shirt, her tongue sliding into his mouth as she let herself get lost in this moment.

Murphy pulled away after a moment or two. His breath was warm on her face but she didn't move to back down.

"Wanna hear a joke?" Emma asked lightly.

"Emma," he said with amusement.

"No no, it's a good one, I promise."

"What is it?" he asked, his fingers absentmindedly running circles on the small of her back.

"I'm a fucking idiot, too."

"Mhm," he said. "Glad we agree on something."

Emma jabbed him in the ribs and he finally laughed. She smiled at him and rested her forehead against his shoulder. Despite the passionate kiss, she could feel tears burn behind her eyes and she refused to look at him. "I'm sorry," she finally whispered. "I never wanted to--I just..."

"Hey," he said softly, "it's okay."

"No, it's not," she replied. "I panicked and I just... just because I said I can't love you doesn't mean I don't."

"Emma," he said, "Emma, look at me."

She looked over at him, not quite meeting his gaze. He brushed his thumb over her cheek and a few tears slipped out before she could stop them.

"It's because I love you that we can't be together."

"Ye of little faith."

"John," she said, and he locked eyes with her. "I found the ring."

Silence.

The corners of his lips tugged into a frown and his hand dropped, but he didn't take a step back. "Oh," he said. "Oh. You don't want--"

She gripped his shirt tightly. Memories of finding the simple but beautiful engagement ring flashed through her mind. She still remembered where it had been, tucked away in his sock drawer in that black box. She'd been putting his laundry away and when her fingers brushed against the velvet, she swore to herself she wouldn't open it. 

But then she did.

"I did," she whispered. "I just... I didn't have a future at all until I met you. I'm not even exaggerating. I didn't think I'd live this long."

"Emma."

"No, you have to let me talk," she said. She hadn't planned on confessing all this. Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was the rain, maybe it was his eyes. But he deserved to know. "The accident changed everything. And then I somehow made it to college and I met Perri."

"I already know this story--" 

"John," she said again. He looked at her and she backed up to the railing to grab her drink. He moved closer and this time she didn't argue. "Perri was great and fun and beautiful--"

"Do we have to talk about my best friend like this? I already know the story."

Emma shot him a look. "But she was a distraction. Because I met you," she said, her gaze softening. "And even though I was reluctant at first, eventually I wanted all these things I didn't want before. Like a future. And a house. And a partner. And two years later, I found the ring." She knocked back more of her beer. "And apparently you wanted all that, too. And I -- it was so overwhelming, and I didn't want you to know I found it and I... I panicked and with graduation and Bellamy leaving and everything, I just... I'm sorry."

Murphy's lips quirked into a smile. "That was a long-winded apology, even for you, Rhodes."

"It's not that I don't want you," she replied. "It's that I do."

"Against your better judgement?" he teased, calling back to what she'd said to him the night they first got together. 

Emma rolled her eyes but a smile fought its way onto her face. "Something like that."

There was a long pause. She took another swig of beer and he tugged her closer by her shirt. The rain seemed relentless around them, and suddenly she wasn't looking forward to swimming in the lake the next day.

"So what now?" he asked after a moment.

Emma bit her lip. "Is ‘ _I don't know_ ' an acceptable answer?"

Murphy took a step closer. "Am I allowed to convince you?"

Emma glanced behind her at the door. "I think we should get back inside before Mom and Dad come out."

"They were pretty occupied with each other when I left," he said. "You didn't answer my question."

She paused at the door with her hand on the door. "Maybe," she said, winking over at him before disappearing back into the cabin without waiting to see if he would follow.  
  


* * *

**_[THE SECOND NIGHT, BUT LATER]_ **

  
  
Somehow sharing a bed with Murphy didn't seem like such an awful thing on the second night of their weekend. Even if she wasn't following her own rule of not getting attached again, Emma told herself it was only for the night.

She'd demolished the wall of pillows but still laid out of Murphy's reach. They might've said goodnight hours ago, but her mind reeled from their conversation out on the porch. Of all the things she'd told him -- things she swore she'd never admit. But somehow, being here in Shadow Valley and away from her real life back home, her defenses dropped.

Because it was Murphy.

"John," she whispered, not moving from her position. 

Murphy groaned but otherwise didn't respond.

Emma turned around. "John, are you asleep?"

"I was," he grumbled, rolling over to face her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said. "I thought you were awake, sorry."

"Believe it or not, some of us sleep like normal humans, Rhodes."

She reached over and kicked him. "Hilarious. Forget it."

"Emma."

His fingers brushed against hers as he grabbed her hand under the blanket. He tugged her closer and this time she didn't protest, relieved to have the pillows gone.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice still barely audible. "I was just... you don't hate me, do you? I'd understand if you did, I kinda broke your heart, but I don't... I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if you did."

"That's why you're awake right now?" he asked, and she could hear the chuckle in his voice. "Because you think I hate you?"

"Well, I mean, I found the ring and I didn't want to marry you then because I'm fucking terrified and I just--if you hate me, I totally get it."

"Emma," he said, moving so he hovered over her. She could faintly see his outline in the dark and her breath caught in her throat. It didn't help when he moved his hand, brushing some hair out of her face. "Why do you think I came here?"

"You keep asking me that," she said. "I don't _know_ , John."

"I told you," he replied, his thumb moving to her cheek. "On the porch. I was the idiot who thought he had a chance."

"I mean, you are an idiot," Emma said, finally meeting his gaze in the dark. He started to pull away but she brought him back to where he'd been on top of her. That night, she was relieved Ody made himself comfortable on the rug next to the bed. Almost like he knew. "But you might also have a chance."

"Might?" he repeated. A faint smile played on his lips. "That's very encouraging. You should go into motivational speaking."

She rolled her eyes. "Mhm. Obviously I missed my calling."

"Obviously."

"What I was _going_ to say," she said, her heart pounding in her chest, "was that you could convince me. But now I'm not so sure..."

"Is that right?"

"Mhm."

"What'd you have in mind?" he asked, and she finally caved into the impulse and ran her fingers through his hair.

"A few ideas," she said easily. 

She reached up like she was going to kiss him, letting her forehead press against his. Her lips barely brushed against his and he moved closer to her. Emma looked up at him, her fingers still twisted in his hair, and everything in this moment seemed still. Time stopped. His breath was warm on her face and his leg brushed against hers, his hand already running down her side.

And then she kissed him.

It was almost like she was waking up for the first time in three months. He kissed her back and color collided into her world again; everything she tried to make herself stop feeling rushed back to her. She deepened the kiss, not bothering to waste time. Warmth exploded everywhere his hands touched and it was all she could do to pull him closer.

Her legs tangled with his as his tongue slipped into her mouth. Emma moaned into the kiss, letting her nails run up his sides and over his back, gripping onto the fabric of his shirt. Murphy's hand ran up her leg and up even further, fingers grazing against the waistband of her shorts. She pushed herself closer, tugging his shirt off.

They broke apart long enough to get his shirt off followed quickly by hers. Their lips crashed together again and she fought against the instinct to take control; it would be a battle she didn't have patience for tonight. Murphy moved from her lips to her neck. She let out a small moan as he kissed up her neck, his hands moving down her sides and over familiar territory. 

She tangled her legs with his, trying to move herself closer. Emma bit back a noise as he sucked on her earlobe.

"Something like this?" he whispered, his breath tickling her ear.

"Mhm," she whimpered, her nails digging into his skin.

"Good."

His teeth dragged against her ear before he kissed her again. She kissed him back, her hands moving to the waistband of his shorts. Her fingers continued the trail down, running over the fabric of his shorts. Murphy moaned and her grip tightened just so slightly as she deepened the kiss.

It wasn't much longer before their shorts came off. Emma belatedly regretted not bringing anything sexier with her on vacation, but she hadn't exactly planned on... this. Murphy didn't seem to mind so much; his hands kept moving, inching closer to her bra. She didn't normally sleep with a bra on, but insecurity crept in when she shared a bed with her ex-boyfriend.

Murphy didn't miss a beat. In a few quick moves, her bra came off, falling somewhere to the floor with the rest of their clothes. Still, she couldn't seem to get close enough. When his thumbs grazed against the sensitive skin of her breasts, Emma couldn't help the sound that came out of her mouth.

"Fuck, John," she hissed as his hands gripped her lightly. His thumbs played along her skin, running against her nipples. 

She pushed herself closer. Her own hand wandered back to his boxers, fingers grazing against him. Murphy moaned, and it was a little ridiculous how much she'd missed him. She hooked one of her legs around his, their lips never parting.

At some point, Emma pulled away. It took her a moment to catch her breath, but neither of them stopped their hands.

"Just so we're clear," she said, "I want this."

He smiled. "You know, I kinda figured that out."

"Did you now?" she asked. She couldn't resist anymore and took her hands off of him. He frowned until she flipped him over, straddling him. Her hair fell loose over her shoulders but she didn't move to fix it.

"I was waiting for that," he teased. "And just for the record, I want this, too."

"Mhm," she said. "I can be more specific, if you want."

"Right now I think you're talking too much, Rhodes."

She leaned forward until her lips were in his ear. "I want to fuck you, John Murphy."

"Don't let me stop you."

Emma kissed him deeply, her nails dragging against his sides. It wasn't much longer before his boxers and her underwear came off, adding to the pile of clothes on the floor. She tried not to think about all the people she'd hooked up with in the last three months, doing whatever she could to put this man out of her head and more importantly, out of her heart. But here she was, three months later, ready to break all her own rules. At least for tonight.

Everything that happened next was a rush of desire and familiarity. There were a few awkward stumbles, but Murphy and Emma fell back into old patterns. Hands knew where to touch; tongues knew the exact places to lick and teeth knew where to bite for maximum pleasure. She didn't know how she'd let herself go this long without him -- because God, she was so fucking attached, it was almost pathetic.

No, it was _definitely_ pathetic. None of that seemed to matter now, though.

When it was over, and they were both satisfied, Murphy rolled off of her. He wrapped her close to him in his arms and kissed the top of her head. Emma shook slightly, turning so that she was pressed into him with her eyes closed.

"I'm still in love with you, Emma Rhodes," he whispered, his mouth near the tip of her ear. "That's it. That's the reason I came here."

Emma tensed slightly and she wasn't even sure why. She knew he did. And all she wanted was to be able to say it back. After the conversation on the porch, after what just happened... it felt like the obvious answer. But as much as she'd tried to tell herself she wasn't afraid anymore, the same fear and panic rose in her chest. 

Because of what if she lost him, too? She couldn't bear it. She couldn't let herself go through that pain again. She barely survived the first time she lost people she loved.

She wouldn't survive losing him. She just knew it.

"I know," she whispered, and she closed her eyes, struggling to keep the tears at bay.

Murphy didn't say anything. Instead he pulled the covers around them, making sure the blanket was secure around her. She turned around but didn't pull away. 

Because if he didn't hate her before, he was certainly going to hate her now. And she couldn't even blame him this time.


	3. Chapter 3

**_[THE THIRD DAY]_ **

  
  
"What the fuck did you do to Murphy?" Perri Laughlin asked the second Emma accepted her call. 

"Hello to you too, doc," she said dryly, settling herself in the chair by the water. 

"Can you please explain what's happening up there?" Perri asked, clearly without patience for pleasantries. "Murphy texted me almost all day yesterday and now there's radio silence." 

"So you assume I did something," Emma replied. She shot Perri a look through the video on her screen as she shifted in her chair. Everything was still fairly wet from the storm the day before, but the chairs that had been under an overhang stayed pretty dry. And after spending nearly all day inside the cabin, Emma practically ran out to the dock before breakfast when it was clear the sun was shining.

And so she didn't have to face Murphy in the morning. Nearly three hours later and she still hadn't seen him, but maybe that was for the better. 

"You're the only thing that riles him up enough for me to be concerned," Perri replied. "By the way, is that the lake? It looks amazing. I totally should've gone." 

Emma laughed and moved her phone so Perri could see a better view. "Yeah. Panic attacks aside, the lake is really nice." 

Perri frowned as Emma brought her back into view. "More on that later," she said. "I'm serious. What's going on with you two? Do I need to kick your ass? Because believe me, I'll drive up there and--" 

"I mean, I could take you," Emma cut in. "But maybe. I don't know. Feelings are fucking dumb." 

"Preaching to the choir but still not answering the question, Emma." 

"Are you asking as my friend or as John's?" 

"Can't I ask as both?" 

Emma sighed. "We slept together last night," she said. She slouched further in the chair. "And like, don't get me wrong, it was amazing, but..." 

Perri's gaze softened. "But what?" 

"He told me he was still in love with me," she replied, putting her head in her hands. "And like, I sorta figured that out when he took a bus to get here and spend the weekend with us but like... I just..." 

"You don't love him anymore?" she offered. 

Emma shook her head. "Honestly, I never stopped," she said. "I wouldn't have slept with him if I wasn't." 

"Good, because then I'd really have to kick your ass." 

"I'm not an idiot." 

"Well, that's debatable." 

Emma flipped her off and sighed.

"So what's the problem? You guys are getting back together, right?" 

"I--" She was about to answer when she heard footsteps walk down the path. She tensed, panicking for a brief moment that it was Murphy, but visibly relaxed when she saw it was Bellamy and Ody. "Hey, I should go."

"We're not done talking about this." 

"Do you wanna say hi to Ody?" Emma asked, fully aware of Perri's fear of dogs. 

Perri made a face. "We'll talk later, Emma. Try not to kill my best friend on vacation, okay?" 

"No promises," she said before giving her a peace sign before hanging up. 

"Who were you talking to?" Bellamy asked as he and Ody made their way onto the dock. Ody practically barrelled over to Emma, jumping up on her lap. At least she wore a tee-shirt over her bathing suit.

"Uh, Perri," Emma replied, scratching Ody's ears. "She was checking in." 

"Guess she beat me to it, then," he said with a laugh. He let Ody off the leash and he settled himself next to Emma's chair. Bellamy pulled up the lounge chair next to Emma. "I brought these." 

Emma looked over as he passed her a beer. She smiled and cracked it open, clinking their bottles together before taking a sip. "Good call." 

"So do you wanna talk about the weather or should we just talk about last night or...?" 

Her cheeks flushed. "I know Murphy didn't tell you, so how loud were we?" 

"I mean, it could've been worse," he said with a shrug. He took a swig of beer. "But I didn't really want to listen to my best friend having sex with her ex-boyfriend, so..." He paused. "Wait, is he still an ex or...?" 

"I'm glad the rain stopped," Emma said and he snorted. "What? You said we could talk about the weather." 

"I was being nice. I'm worried about you, Ems." 

Emma's hand moved to Ody's head. She scratched at his ears and looked out at the lake, taking another sip of beer. "I'm fine, Bell. I'm not that fragile." She paused. "Anymore." 

"Mhm," he said, looking over at her. "You still slept with Murphy and you never told me why you broke up in the first place. You just said you wanted different things." 

"Because you'd freak out if I told you why, and I really don't want to talk about it." 

"Emma--" 

"Bellamy, please," she said. "Do we have to talk about this? I already know Perri's gonna call back later and demand more answers so like, if I could not talk about this twice today, that'd be great." 

Bellamy sighed and took a sip of his beer. He rested it on the arm of the chair, his thumb picking at the label. "She really did replace me, didn't she?" 

Emma frowned. "What're you talking about?" 

"Perri," he said. "You started working at The Dropship and met them, and suddenly you were spending all of your free time with them. You stopped talking to me like you used to and even now--" 

"You just always seemed busy with Clarke," Emma replied. "Even before you were dating. Perri didn't replace you, Bell. If anything, _Clarke_ replaced _me_." 

"I thought you guys mostly got along." 

Emma shrugged. "We do, and I really like her. She's a good match for you. She keeps you grounded." 

Bellamy nodded, taking his turn to absentmindedly stare out at the lake. "She does," he agreed. "But she didn't replace you, Ems. No one could ever." 

"I hate that you're leaving on Monday," Emma said. "I've barely seen you all summer and now you're just... you're gonna leave me." 

"You're making it sound like I'm being deployed, not joining the police academy. I can like, actually come visit and everything." 

"I know," she said, knocking back another sip. "I'm just saying. I feel like we didn't get a lot of time." 

Bellamy glanced at her. "We've got a whole day and a half left here," he said. "I know it's gonna be wet, but are you up for a hike?" 

Emma grinned at him. "I thought you'd never ask, Blake." 

* * *

  
Emma's phone buzzed as they reached the driveway to the cabin. The hike with Bellamy had been unbelievably necessary; in the comfort of the woods, she'd finally confessed to him why she and Murphy broke up. Instead of freaking out like she thought he would, Bellamy comforted her, letting her cry it out.

So when she pulled out her phone, the last thing she expected was to see multiple texts from Clarke. 

_look i know you went off with bellamy but you have to come back ASAP  
_ _i don't know what's going on, but murphy said something about leaving  
_ _he didn't tell me what happened between you but i'm gonna assume you don't want him to leave  
_ _unless you do, then ignore this, but maybe say goodbye at least_

Emma frowned and looked over at Bellamy. "He's leaving?" she asked, not bothering to hide the edge of panic in her voice. "He can't--" 

"Whoa, what just happened?" Bellamy asked, and she showed him her phone. He quickly scanned through the texts. "You don't want him to leave, right?" 

"No, I was just--I freaked out and--" Emma said, shoving Ody's leash into Bellamy's hands. "Fuck." 

"Go. I've got Ody." 

She nodded and even though she was exhausted from their five mile hike, she took off sprinting toward the cabin. Emma threw the door open and saw Clarke sketching in the living room.

"I'm not too late, am I?" she asked, trying to catch her breath. 

Clarke looked up. "I mean, I texted you like five minutes ago, so you should be good." 

Emma rolled her eyes and didn't stop until she got to the room she'd been sharing with Murphy. Sure enough, he was there, shoving some clothes into his duffle bag. 

"Excuse me," she said, not leaving the doorway, "where are you going?" 

Murphy's shoulders tensed. "There's a bus in an hour that goes back to Polis," he replied evenly. "I intend to be on it." 

"Why?" 

"Seriously? After last night, you're seriously asking me that, Rhodes?" 

Emma took a step forward. "John," she said. "You can't leave." 

"You didn't even want me here in the first place. I'm listening now, okay? You've got your weekend with Bellamy without me here to fuck it up." 

"But that was before--" 

"Before what?" he asked, plowing ahead. "Before we slept together or before I told you I still loved you? Or before you abandoned me before I even woke up this morning?"

Emma tried not to shrink, instead squaring her shoulders. "Before you fucking cheated in _Go Fish_." 

Murphy rolled his eyes. "I didn't cheat." He slung the bag over his shoulder and started towards the door. 

Emma blocked his path. She jut her chin out to make her seem taller than she was, but she barely came up to his shoulders. "John," she said again, "don't." 

"Don't do this, Rhodes," Murphy replied, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice. "You already broke my heart twice. Don't do it again." 

"Twice?" she echoed. He gave her a hard look and she frowned. "I'm not trying to--" 

"Then get out of the way." He put his hand on her shoulders and physically moved her out of his way. "It's for our own good, remember?" 

Emma winced as he used her own words against her. "Would you let me fucking talk?" 

"I think you said it all last night." Murphy walked out into the living room and saluted at Clarke. "Always a pleasure, Clarke." 

Emma followed after him and grabbed his hand. "You're not going anywhere, John Murphy." 

"You're giving me a lot of reasons to leave right now, Rhodes. Give me one to stay." 

She didn't think. This time, she shut her brain off and pulled him towards her. Confusion flashed in his eyes before she pressed her lips against his, kissing him deeply. 

Murphy kissed her back. His hand went to her waist, pulling her closer. But it was almost like he acted on impulse this time; it wasn't the same as when she'd kissed him last night. 

If she were honest, she didn't really blame him.

He was the first to pull away. "That doesn't really--" 

"I'm fucking in love with you, idiot," Emma said exasperatedly. She looked over to where Clarke had been sitting, relieved to see she and Bellamy had made themselves scarce. Not that it would've stopped her in the first place. 

Murphy stared at her. "Don't play games with me, Rhodes." 

"Oh my god," she said, rolling her eyes. "I'm not. I've been in love with you since we first started working together at The Dropship, I was just a fucking idiot and didn't realize it. And when I did, I just... I got scared, okay? I told you. I wasn't planning on a future, let alone a future with someone else. But I want this." She took a step closer, tentatively reaching out for his hand. "I need you, okay? I fucking hate it, but I do. Just--you can't go, alright? I know I don't deserve another chance but--" 

This time, Murphy cut her off with a kiss. "Anyone ever tell you you talk too much, Rhodes?" 

"Constantly." 

Murphy finally managed a smile. He pushed some of the hair out of her face that fell from her ponytail. "Well, against my better judgement, I'm fucking in love with you, too." 

Emma grinned at him. "Thank god," she breathed. "Because otherwise this would be really awkward and--" 

"Just shut up and let me kiss you, Emma." 

"I'm hearing a lot of talk and not seeing a lot of action, Murphy." 

Murphy pulled her closer, his grip tight on her waist. "John," he said. "My name is John." 

"Nice to meet you, John," she teased and he rolled his eyes before kissing her again. She subtly took the duffle bag off his shoulder, the leather landing on the wooden floor with a thud. 

Murphy's hands circled her waist and pulled her closer. She deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. And as it had the night before, the rest of the world faded away and all that mattered was the boy in her arms.

And this time, she wasn't going to let him go.  
  


* * *

**_[THE THIRD NIGHT]_ **

  
In the blink of an eye, they were already on their last night of the four-day weekend in Shadow Valley. Emma wished she had more time; it was easy enough to ignore her responsibilities until now. A sense of dread crept in her stomach whenever she thought about it, but for now, she tried to focus on their last night.

The ground was still damp from the storm, but Murphy and Bellamy somehow managed to get a fire going. Bellamy brought his guitar down and he and Emma sang through various covers while drinking beer and roasting marshmallows. Emma settled her head against Murphy's shoulder, his arms tight around her waist. Ody sprawled himself out in front of the fire, sleeping contentedly in front of Bellamy's feet. 

After a while, Emma shifted and looked over at Murphy. Something like nostalgia hit her and she suddenly realized life was never going to be like this again. Murphy frowned at her, pushing some of the hair out of her face. 

"You good?" he asked, careful not to draw attention from Bellamy and Clarke. 

"Yeah," she assured him. "I just need a minute." 

"Want me to come with you?" 

"No, it's okay," she said. She leaned forward and kissed him gently. "I'll come back." 

"Good. Because I'm not letting you go anywhere this time, Rhodes." 

Emma smiled and stood up. "I'd hope not." 

She put her hand on his shoulder as she stood up with her beer. She could feel Bellamy's eyes on her as she disentangled herself and walked down to the dock. Emma rested her forearms against the railing and took a long sip of beer, the warm summer air pushing across her face. 

It wasn't long before she felt a brush against her shoulder. She looked over and saw Bellamy.

"Everything good?" he asked. 

"Yeah," Emma said. She knocked back more of her drink. 

"That was very convincing." 

Emma rolled her eyes. "I'm serious, Bell," she replied. She turned around so her back rested against the railing. She looked over at the fire, where Murphy had picked up Bellamy's guitar and Clarke roasted her fourth or fifth marshmallow. "I just... I can't believe we got here. After everything." 

He turned around and looked back at the campfire. "I know. It's been a hell of a ride, hasn't it?" 

Emma snorted. "That's an understatement." She rested her elbows against the railing, holding the beer in front of her chest. "I wish my mom could be here to see this." 

"See what?" he asked, his eyes flickering over to her. 

"This," she said, motioning to the fire and Clarke and Murphy. "That after everything... I'm okay. That after everything, I want things again. And it's because of you, Bell." 

Bellamy shrugged. "Not entirely," he said, nudging his chin. "I think Murphy had a lot to do with it too."

Emma smiled. "Yeah. I guess he did." She took another sip of her drink. 

"You're gonna be okay without me, y'know," he said. "Not that I'm going anywhere I can't visit. But I think we'll be just fine." 

"It's cute you think I'm gonna abandon you now. If I was going to, I would've done it years ago. You know, when you had that really dumb haircut--" 

"Hey, that wasn't my fault," he protested. "My mom thought the short hair would be better--" 

"And obviously you had to slick it back like the tool you were in high school." 

"Oh my god," Bellamy said. "Freshman year. Freshman year, Emma." 

She grinned. "So if I stuck by you through that stupid hair, I think I'll stick by you through this, too. Just don't do the slicked back hair again. It won't make you look tougher." 

"Clarke hated it anyway," he replied with a smile. "I showed her pictures." 

Emma let out a low whistle. "Damn, you showed her pictures from the Dark Year? You must really love her." 

Bellamy shoved her. "Careful, or I'm gonna throw you in the lake, Rhodes." 

"Good thing I know how to swim, Blake," she teased. 

"Come on, let's get back before we lose the rest of the fire," Bellamy said, starting to walk back toward their camp. 

Emma grinned. She pushed herself off the railing and snuck up behind him before jumping on his back. He stumbled forward but managed to catch her, enough years of impromptu piggy back rides from both her and his sister to have it be an instinct now. Without warning, he took off back toward the fire with her laughing as she clutched onto him. 

Bellamy stopped abruptly at Murphy's chair and promptly discarded her. "She's your headache now, Murphy. Good luck." 

Emma squealed until Murphy managed to catch her, pulling her back into his lap. She flipped Bellamy off. "Something tells me he doesn't mind." 

"Mmm, I don't know, maybe I do," Murphy teased. He reached around and grabbed her hand. 

"Oh, fuck you," she said lightly. 

"Yes please." 

"Ugh, not here," Clarke groaned as Bellamy sat down next to her. 

Emma laughed and leaned in, kissing Murphy lightly. He deepened the kiss, pulling her closer as his hands snuck up the back of her shirt. 

"You wanna get out of here?" he asked as he pulled away. 

Emma glanced over at Bellamy and Clarke. "Yes, but not yet," she said. "I just want to stay here for a little while longer. If that's okay." 

Murphy smiled and kissed her cheek. "Of course." 

"I'm really glad you came, though, John," she said, looking back at him.

"I'm really glad I came, too." 

Emma kissed him again before turning around in his lap. She settled herself back into the position she'd been in before. "Play something," she said, handing Bellamy his guitar back. 

"Any requests?" 

"Something fun." 

He nodded and started plucking at the chords for a moment. After a moment, Emma recognized them as Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA" and she snorted. But when the cues came, she jumped right in, her four years of high school musical theatre not wasted.

And when the chorus came, Murphy jumped in and soon the four of them were belting the lyrics a little too loud. Even Ody woke up enough to whine along to the lyrics. 

Emma's cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling too much, but she didn't care. All she cared about was that she'd somehow managed to get this far, and maybe it was worth it. To see Clarke smiling like that at Bellamy, who was now standing and doing ridiculous dance moves in time with the music. To feel Murphy's chest move as he laughed from behind her. If this was where everything led her to, then maybe the ends really did justify means. 

If only the world could stay like this forever.


End file.
